Hello, I’m Rachel and I am the founder of Feeling is Healing. I studied medical sciences at the University of Cambridge and have worked in the medical field for a number of years.
Although I had already sought healing from a number of issues as a teenager and in my twenties, such as an eating disorder and low self-worth, it was a series of experiences of narcissistic abuse in my thirties that really brought me to my knees.
These experiences led me to a journey of recovery in which I had to re-evaluate my whole life. I started to explore the reasons how I had ended up in, and felt I couldn’t escape from, these situations. I started to attend a number of different recovery groups, sought counselling and coaching, met others who were on a similar journey, read lots of books and articles and watched hours and hours of You Tube videos. For me, the dysfunctional relationships had spanned and affected all areas of my life: work, family, friends, acquaintances as well as romantic relationships. This led me to a great sense of shame that “THERE MUST BE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME” – I call that the shame mantra. It used to go over and over in my mind so frequently, that it was buried deep in my subconscious. This belief about myself got so bad that life became almost impossible to live and function in. I had no confidence or belief in my decisions. I felt that everything about me was WRONG and that others had the right to judge and condemn me as they somehow held a key to life that I lacked.
Learning about the dynamics of abuse was a huge relief for me as it allowed me to see that these painful beliefs were not true and that they belonged to other people who had planted them in me, sometimes in very covert ways that were hard to detect. I discovered that I had been groomed from an early age to be a prime target for abusers and emotional manipulators. I also learnt that simply understanding the dynamics of abuse were not enough, I needed to get in touch with the full force of my feelings. Many of these feelings, including anger, rage, sadness, hurt and disgust were deeply buried, due to their intensity and my own sense of shame in experiencing them.
I felt there had to be some meaning in the suffering that I had experienced and the painful sacrifices that I had needed to make in order to recover. I therefore decided to do my own training and set on a path to support others who were also in pain as a result of the relationships they had found themselves in.
As I went deeper into the recovery journey, I also started to notice more and more how toxic and abusive dynamics had infiltrated our culture and were affecting society as a whole.
I look forward to connecting with you. Please enter your email in the box to the bottom left if you would like to join the Feeling is Healing community and be the first to hear about the latest updates.
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