More and more of us are finding ourselves in situations in which we are unable to escape a narcissist. We can keep our distance from disordered individuals as much as possible, while also knowing we have strategies to fall back on when we encounter someone who does not have our best interests at heart. In this video I give a brief outline of some key tips to help you cope.
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So we have discovered that the narcissist is no good for us and we have made the difficult decision to leave. It would make logical sense that our lives should be better from now on, right?
When we leave a narcissist, it can be a shock for many of us when we find that the narcissist appears to be thriving without us. We may compare ourselves to them and wonder why we are feeling so bad. This can lead to despair and low self-esteem.
In this video, I want to provide you with reassurance that this phenomenon is normal. In no way does it mean that you are a failure. As the video explains, after time the tide will start to change. We have some work to do to get there, but the rewards will come.
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Have you experienced the phenomenon described in the video? How did it turn out in the end? How are you doing now? Please let us know in the comments section below.
The betrayal that occurs as a result of narcissistic abuse can be devastating. However, on top of that many people find that the abuser has recruited a number of “flying monkeys” to carry out evil deeds on their behalf. This can be really difficult to deal with and come to terms with. Having a group of people, who you once believed cared about you, turn against you and enable someone who is hurting you, can be crazy making. The most important thing to remember is that their behaviour is a reflection of them. It is not a sign of any weakness in you – quite the opposite, in fact. On the plus side, experiencing abuse by flying monkeys can be an invitation for you to uplevel the standards of what you know you deserve in relationships. This can help you to move on to healthier relationships in the future.
As always, I would love to hear any suggestions that you have for future topics. Feel free to leave your comments below.
One of the key philosophies of Feeling is Healing is that fact that the natural state of our bodies is one of health and wholeness. Our bodies are always trying to give us opportunities to lead us back to that state.
When we experience some kind of traumatic event, it leaves an imprint in our nervous systems if it is not processed properly. Our bodies are always trying to find ways to resolve this. In terms of relational trauma, we will subconsciously seek out people who are similar to the person who originally caused the trauma. Subsciously, we want to replay the same scenario, but with a different result. No matter how much cognitive awareness we have, the subconscious pull will magnetise us towards certain individuals and certain circumstances. This is known as repetition compulsion.
For example, if I grew up in a home in which I was blamed for everything that went wrong, I am likely to be subconsciously drawn to relationships where I am blamed for everything. This won’t be an obvious or a conscious choice. During recovery I have been able to see how these experiences, painful as they are, can be very useful in making us aware of wounds that we still need to heal.
For example, a few years ago I felt attracted to a man whose hurtful behaviour towards me caused me pain.
This brought up a very strong urge in me to want to fix him so that he could then love me. It also showed me that I have a strong inner conviction that I need to believe that I have the ability to change someone in order to feel safe, even though I know cognitively that this is not possible. This is very common for people who have grown up in homes that were unsafe. Believing that one can change one’s own parents to make them love them is a very strong coping mechanism to survive an unsafe and inescapable environment.
Once we are able to see and acknowledge the patterns in our relationships, we can process the underlying feelings and release them from our bodies. We are then free to attract healthier relationships into our lives.
Gathering information about the victim – staring (commonly known as the “sociopathic stare”) and asking lots of questions (the answers will later be used against you to manipulate and control you)These will all be discussed in greater detail in future posts. Feel free to add any examples that you have come across in the comments below.